The Tuxedo (*)
review by Jon Waterman

Jimmy Tong (Jackie Chan) is a chauffer who takes over when his secret agent boss, Clark Devlin (Jason Isaacs) is put out of commission.  With the help of Devlin’s secret tuxedo and scientist Del Blaine (Jennifer Love Hewitt), Tong must stop the bad guys from infecting the water supply before it’s too late.
 
Why do I keep going to see Jackie Chan movies?  I may stop now that virtually everything I used to go for has been stripped away.
 
When I think of a Jackie Chan film, I think of a badly dubbed campy action film showcasing Chan’s abilities.  When I think of “The Tuxedo,” I think of a synchronous sound pseudo-campy pseudo-action film showcasing Chan’s ability to now use wires.
 
For Chan fans, those last few words are a kick in the teeth.  Jackie gained his reputation through his unassisted martial arts and doing all his dangerous stunts without assistance.  Now, all of a sudden he’s running around in circles on enemy chests.  What’s so astounding about that?  If I wanted to see that, I’d rent, well, anything with fighting.  Jackie also is notorious for using props in incredible ways.  There is little of this type of action taking place this time around.  After all, we have to watch Jennifer Love Hewitt punch a guy once or twice.  The inevitable outtakes during the credits used to showcase how close to injury Jackie would come and usually the broken bones sustained.  Now, it’s all about jokes, because they have nothing else.
 
Speaking of the outtakes, they are there on this film, too.  However, like “Rush Hour 2,” they could be called the best part of the movie (and not only because they signify that you can go home).  On the other hand, the outtakes were not good either.  The jokes and screw-ups were pretty pointless and not funny.
 
Directing this is Kevin Donovan.  If the name sounds familiar, then you probably went to school with him.  This is his debut feature, and it could have been much better.  The action sequences were so scattered that the motion was tough to follow and probably could have been edited using a random shot placement program.  The fighting wasn’t all that interesting, either.  I came away with no memorable moments.
 
The script left much to be desired.  Attempting to put some type of social commentary into the nation’s obsession with bottled water while at the same time trying to make an audience believe that an ordinary tuxedo is the “most sophisticated piece of technology on the planet” is Michael J. Wilson and Michael Leeson.  Of course they failed on both accounts, as they don’t describe how or why the tuxedo was even invented, nor will anyone be avoiding their filtered $1 bottles of tap water.  Even worse is the lack of depth in the characters.  Take it for what it is, considering it’s a movie supposedly centered on fights (although there was a lot of boring exposition).  The whole thing was too fantastical for me, and that’s saying something for a mindless action flick.
 
The dull characters were just made worse through the abysmal acting of Chan and Jennifer Love (and really the whole cast).  Chan is quite excusable.  He’s never been that good and English is still pretty difficult for him to grasp.  J. Love, on the other hand, is an English speaker from the start.  She, too, has never been that good.  She tries too hard and picks bad roles.  Of course, the chemistry between the two didn’t work at all.  The partnership didn’t make much sense and, I think, backfired.
 
Some people seemed to enjoy the film.  Half the audience I saw the film with clapped at the end.  This surprised me, because they didn’t laugh at any of the jokes either.  I probably laughed more than most people, but that’s because it was an easy film to make fun of.  And there’s the redeeming value -- perhaps the only redeeming value.
 
Those looking for another Chan classic will be sorely disappointed.  Those looking for a fun action movie with some cool fights will also be disappointed.  Let’s just hope that “Shanghai Knights” is somewhat better.  Until then, I’ll just watch “Rumble in the Bronx” over and over remembering the good old days.

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