Roll
Bounce (*1/2)
review by Jon
Waterman
A group of young teenage guys known as the Garden Boys are
the superstars of their local roller skating rink. Unfortunately,
that rundown place is soon after closed, and the boys are forced
to travel farther to the glitzy hang out that is home of the
greatest skater in all the land, Sweetness. The boys have to
adjust not only to the new rink with some real competition,
but also with a new neighbor girl, Tori, being thrown into
the mix. Can these kids win the respect of the town and maybe
even win a competition with so much riding against them?
This movie is too long for no good reason. We’re subjected
to 112 minutes of dragging subplot after dragging subplot with
a hint of main story mixed in. You have the narrative thread
of Xavier (“X” to his friends, played by Bow “Like
Mike” Wow) running into his “X” girlfriend
Naomi at the new rink. You have X’s father searching
hard for “M” ployment and all the neighborhood
women trying to get him back into the dating scene. You have
too many encounters with the garbage men, whose scenes should
have been thrown away. You have the new neighbor girl who ultimately
serves absolutely no purpose at all. I’m sure there’s
more, but who cares. That’s enough. Early on, it looked
like it was going to be similar to “You
Got Served,” except
with skates instead of, well, no skates. I wanted to see more
competitions and more skating in general. I could care less
about X’s dad or the girls in his life.
But even when they were skating, I couldn’t really get
into it. The moves were far superior to anything displayed
in “Roller
Boogie,” but nothing really stands out.
The costumes were especially disappointing, the worst offender
being Sweetness, who can make girls faint with his touch (even
though he’s ugly as a dog). In general, the outfits were
too modern and too well-designed to be from that era. Show
me the poor quality skin tight t-shirts with lame phrases and
the vibrant clashing colors and patterns that made the fashion
of the day what it is. If you’re not going to give me
fun, non-stop skating battles, at least give me something enjoyable.
“Roll Bounce” only has one thing really going
for it: the music. However, just like the rest of the picture,
it’s pretty forgettable. There are a couple of highly
recognizable disco standards, but nothing to get all excited
about. None of it is. The movie isn’t nearly as bad as
it could have been, but at the same time, maybe it would have
been more fun if it were worse. Instead of a cheesy roller
skating movie, it’s just a below average, boring attempt
to relive a time that’s probably better left forgotten.
Bounce past this one.
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