The Real Cancun (*)
review by Jon Waterman

Do you love all of that reality TV that’s taking over the airwaves? Do you wish someone would transfer the magic to the big screen? Well, today is your lucky day! Thanks to the creative hands of Bunim & Murray (the tag team that brought you all those wonderful reality shows on MTV), we now have “reality film.” It’s revolutionary. I believe they call it a documentary. Don’t quote me on that, though. Being that this bunch is the first to do it, they can’t do any wrong, but I’ll still dissect this new art form to see what it’s all about.

The concept behind the movie is that sixteen college kids have been handpicked to live in a house down in Cancun during Spring Break. The cameras will then follow their adventures and the audience gets to learn about what this week long vacation actually entails. Being the smart people they are, the casting director found a nice representation of the population. A cross hash. A cornucopia. Let’s see…there’s the partier…the partier…the twin partiers…the partier…skip a few…and the clean cut kid who’s never tasted alcohol before in his life. Just like real life! The real Cancun has nothing else to offer.

From here on out, I’m going to call this movie “Chicks and Beer: The Motion Picture.” It’s a huge advertisement from “The Board of Alcohol is the Best Thing Ever.” No “real” negative repercussions were shown involving it. If you drink, you will have fun and you will be much, much more attractive to the opposite sex. And if you don’t drink, then you are a pansy and you will be a loser for the rest of your life. So, knowing this, the non-drinker starts drinking and I’ll be damned if his life didn’t improve drastically. Suddenly, there are women all around and money to the ceiling (from all the future booze endorsements he’ll do).

Obviously, he was the star of the piece. They focused on him so much so, that a few of the sixteen were practically completely cut out. You never really heard them speak. Too many people were in that house. If they can fill a whole season of television with only seven people, what made them think that 90 minutes should be filled with more than twice as many people? Speaking of the house, did we really need to see an aerial shot of it before every scene that takes place there?

Is there any good in this thing? Sure. It’s hilarious. Not completely on purpose, but it is. There are some sequences that were edited together well and would have brought about some emotion if I actually cared about anyone. However, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what they are, because that’s how memorable this film is. Blech! Special appearance by Snoop Dogg.

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