Kate & Leopold (1/2 star)
review by Jon Waterman

“I found…a portal into April 28th, 1876.”

Above are the words of a scientific character named Stuart (played by Liev Schreiber).  Above are the words that drive the plot.  Above are the words that should tell you to steer clear of this movie.  Any movie based on finding a time portal that can only be accessed by jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge should be avoided.  And I would have avoided this movie myself, were it not my job to inform my audience on what movies to spend money on.

With “Kate & Leopold,” we have a pretty standard movie.  Kate (Meg Ryan) is a hard-nosed, tough market researcher with a soft inside.  Leopold (Wolverine, I mean, Hugh Jackman) is a Duke that followed Stuart home from 1876 in order to avoid marrying out of convienience.  Stuart is a misunderstood scientist who lives one floor above ex-girlfriend, Kate.

Everything this movie has to offer is right on the surface.  The only potential hint of any deeper level to the movie comes in the form of elevators.  Duke Leopold is the inventer of the elevator.  He leaves his time before he actually makes his breakthrough.  So, once he arrives in this new world, the elevators no longer work.  That’s it.  “Second floor – elevator story remnants, please watch your step.”  “Lobby – Hollywood formula and unfunny script, please watch your step.”

This must have been a tough one to write.  But writers James Mangold (director and writer/director of “Girl, Interrupted”) and Steven Rogers (“Stepmom” and “Hope Floats”) were able to pull it off.  They pointed out the differences between Kate and Leopold, but it’s not weighed down by all that poignancy and depth.  That takes skill.  And you can’t forget about the fish-out-of-water aspect of it all.  Now, remember to laugh when he can’t work a toaster.

Maybe I’m just not one for romantic comedies, but I’m a harsh critic of anything with “comedy” attatched to it.  This is simply not funny.  It’s not even really all that romantic.  It’s empty.  It’s formula.  Pure formula is getting to be as old as the Duke.  You’ll think the movie’s getting old too when you reach the one-hour mark and realize you got a full hour to go.  And Rolfe Kent’s dumb, bouncy music…ugh.

Listen, if you’re looking for a comedy that involves some kind of royalty, then you should rent “King Ralph.”  Put both Kate and Leopold on the Brooklyn Bridge and tell them to jump.  The creators can shove this movie up their portal.  Oh, I got a million of ‘em…and they don’t.

respond to jon@filmbrats.com