Debbie
Does Dallas (***)
review by Jon
Waterman
Note: This review is for a hardcore, pornographic production.
Some language within this text may not be appropriate for younger
readers.
Debbie has just been hired as one of the brand new cheerleaders
for the Dallas professional football team. The only problem
is she doesn’t have enough money to move and live down
there. All of her cheerleading pals get together and think
of an idea as to how to raise some cash. They’re going
to start up their own business, called Teen Services, and find
odd jobs to do around town to help Debbie get down to Dallas.
But when working doesn’t seem to be covering the entire
expense, the girls collectively decide to try something a bit
more drastic to raise the extra money. Look out Dallas, here
comes Debbie!
Well, sorta. This has to be one of the most misleading titles
in history. All throughout my formative
years, anytime someone mentioned the title of this movie, I
got a picture in my head of a film where Debbie is in a hotel
room, taking on the men of Dallas, Texas. Or if not that, at
least going around to various spots within the city to have
sex with random guys (even if it were all completely scripted
and fictionalized). Here we got neither. The promise of her
being a cheerleader would suggest she would then proceed to
do the entire football squad (a not uncommon premise, I’m
sure). We don’t see that either. Debbie neither does
Dallas, nor more than one person. What a disappointment. They
should have called it “Debbie and Friends Bang One Guy
Each to Get Debbie to Dallas.” Save this title for the
sequel.
Debbie (played by rookie Bambi Woods) is this nice innocent
girl with a nice innocent rack. She gets a part time job at
a sporting goods store, where her boss Mr. Greenfield (played
by veteran Richard Bolla), propositions her and pays Debbie
to flash him. This steamrolls Teen Services to becoming Teen
(Adult) Services (the “Adult” is silent). She encourages
her friends to use their bodies to earn the dough as well.
They all take that to mean have sex with whomever they work
for already. Debbie, however, is the last to give in. That’s
hardly doing Dallas, if you ask me. Although, the ultimate
scene with Mr. Greenfield, while goofy, is undoubtedly superior.
The problem, however, is that we don’t get to see the
pay off. I’m not talking about the money shot, because
there are plenty of those to go around. Rather, I mean we don’t
get to see her move away. I want to know if she’s going
to continue her new found side career down there. What about
the other girls. There simply wasn’t enough closure.
There weren’t a lot of clothes, either, which is a good
thing in a movie like this. The narrative scenes were quick
and effective and helped transition the story along nicely.
Unfortunately, there were simply too many cheerleaders to keep
track of. It would have been nice to see a few of the more
attractive ones singled out and given a few scenes each instead
of giving one to every girl, even if she looks like she’s
in her late thirties and is falling apart. The scenes are nice
and varied, but sometimes go on too long (waaaay too much time
spent on the uggos in the shower).
Overall, it’s a pretty decent porn flick that probably
has something for everyone. It may not have been what I expected,
and it isn’t perfect by any means, but you can’t
expect high art from a 1970s hardcore sex film. Whether you’re
watching it for its main purpose, to see what all the hype
was about, or to goof on with your friends, the movie should
get the job done. For a price.
respond to jon@filmbrats.com
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