Cybercity (zero
stars)
review by Jon
Waterman
Dakota is an assassin hired by one of the many religious cults.
His target in this post-apocalyptic underground society is
a woman named Lilith, an assassin for a rival religious group.
When he sees that she has a young boy with him he has a change
of heart. His own wife and child were murdered by someone and
he doesn’t want to cause any more familial deaths. When
his employers find out that he’s now trying to protect
his assignment, thugs galore come out of the church’s
woodworks to try to stop them from doing whatever it is they
plan to do.
This looks like a job for C. Thomas Howell. If only I knew
what the job was. Normally when I watch a bad movie, and believe
me this is one of the best bad flicks, I find the plot to be
so overly simplistic and predictable. “Cybercity” treks
into David Lynch territory with its storyline, without the
cinematic prowess to make up for it. What I wrote up there
probably happened, but you’d never really know it. The
movie is simply an 86 minute collection of gun fights, sex
scenes and former wrestling star Roddy Piper dressed up like
a preacher laughing and trying to act all tough in front of
some weird blue screen effects. Honestly, I consider myself
a reasonably intelligent guy, but neither myself nor the people
I watched it with were able to figure out what exactly was
going on at any time. People get chased around and then David
Carradine pops up with his puppet and then other stuff happens
and then it ends.
So, the script (by first-timer Nelu Ghiran) didn’t make
any sense. The acting of course was absolutely wretched. But
the directing by Peter Hayman and set design were completely
abysmal. I think their idea of a futuristic underground landscape
is just a sound studio filled with a glorified golf cart and
a few building facades. You really won’t see anything
else. I understand this was a low-budget production, but I
mean come on. Branch out. Use a couple other locations. It
felt like they were driving around in circles, because that’s
exactly what they were doing. And of course the filmmaking
was no better. There is plenty of unnecessary slow motion to
be seen, a couple canted angles and all your other typical
B-movie directing fare. Anyone could have shot this. No one
should have.
I don’t know how this movie got made. Even though this
movie makes no sense, or maybe because of it, it’s a
great choice if you want to laugh at something with your friends.
I mean really, how many families actually hold hands and run
around in a circle laughing? How many movies feature sex with
puppets (besides “Let My Puppets Come”)? I rest
my case.
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