4 new reviews including THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED
Hey everybody. It's one of those rare months when I post twice in one week. Check below for reviews of "The Illusionist" by new reviewer Lisa and "The OH in Ohio" by myself. Today I bring you four by me, including this first one you see below which actually just opened in theaters. How rare is that on this site? Below Kirby Dick's film you'll find a couple Philip K Dick adaptations and a classic 70s porn movie where you see a lot of, well.... I think you understand the theme of the day. Keep checking back, because you never know when you'll find something new.
This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Review by Jon Waterman
**
Every filmgoer in the United States knows about it, but how much do we use it? The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) presents the public with ratings for virtually every film, thus giving parents a guideline as to what films are appropriate for their children to see. The most common ratings are G, PG, PG-13, and R. This last one is the bane of high school students everywhere. Every once in a while, a film will receive an NC-17 rating, which means that no one under 17 years of age is permitted to see the film. The rating is a kiss of death to filmmakers, because not only does it mean fewer people can attend their films, but also that the mass media will refuse to advertise it, most distributors will refuse to carry it, and most theaters will refuse to show it. Is the MPAA really a voluntary system designed solely to inform the masses, or is it really a form of censorship?
Documentarian Kirby Dick attempts to expose the MPAA as the latter, citing inconsistencies in the ratings system, the anonymity of its ratings panel, the nearly fascist appeals process, and its direct ties to the major motion picture studios. The argument is somewhat strong, but focuses on the wrong factors. The majority of the time is spent trying to determine just who these raters are. In order to do this, he hires a private investigator to do some elementary spy work. The MPAA believes that making these names public will cause undue pressure and influence on the raters. Dick takes a vendetta approach to revealing them while only glancing over the fact that the raters are internally influenced by the studios that they consult throughout the rating process.
(more....)
+++++++++
A Scanner Darkly
Review by Jon Waterman
**1/2
Bob Arctor is an undercover agent working for the police. He’s so undercover that not even his own co-workers know his real identity. That’s because he, along with everyone else on the force, wears a suit called a “scramble suit” that constantly morphs his appearance and distorts his voice. No one can recognize him as anything other than a part of the unit. His main purpose is to eradicate the production and distribution of the highly psychotropic, addictive, and destructive drug Substance D one dealer at a time. To accomplish this, he must infiltrate a group of people from the inside and gather information that will bring them down. The only problem is that he’s in danger of being brought down himself, if the police discovers he’s already an addict.
Director Richard Linklater wrote the script based on Philip K. Dick’s short story. Normally, Dick’s stories have translated into very good movies. I wouldn’t say this is an exception, but it doesn’t quite live up to the same standards as “Blade Runner” or “Total Recall.” It’s more on par with “Minority Report” in that the concept is there, and it’ll keep you entertained, but it hardly blows you away. Personally, I think this is slightly better than the largely forgettable “Minority Report,” and makes for a solid science fiction story. Keep in mind I haven’t read the original story, but perhaps the problem is that the concept behind this one isn’t all that great. It’s not really treading too much new ground and the storyline becomes extremely predictable. Probably the coolest element is those scramble suits, and that’s a shame.
(more....)
++++++++++
Total Recall
Review by Jon Waterman
****
For some reason, Douglas Quaid has always been fascinated by the planet Mars. He has dreams about it and he really wants to take a vacation there, even though it’s commonly known to be the cesspool of the universe. His wife has no interest in going to a place like that, and so Quaid is essentially stuck. That is, until he decides to take a virtual vacation. Rekall, Inc. promises to deliver a memory into his brain that will create a completely realistic vacation. Quaid chooses to add a little excitement with his package by inserting a secret agent angle into the trip. Before he’s able to get strapped down into the machine, something goes wrong and he has to fight his way out of Rekall. People are out to kill him and so now he’s off to Mars to find out why and also to find out who he really is.
The beauty of this film isn’t that you don’t know what’s real and what’s not; if it’s part of the implanted memory or if Quaid actually happens to be a secret agent, but rather that it’s so fun that it doesn’t matter. Even so, the writers Ronald Shusett & Dan O’Bannon and Gary Goldman do a great job of keeping the ambiguity flowing throughout. It’d be very easy to assume that it’s all just part of the planned vacation that Quaid set up for himself if it weren’t for the fact that there are several scenes in the movie that don’t directly follow our hero. If it were really all in his head, that wouldn’t be part of the fantasy. We wouldn’t see anything that he couldn’t see and personally “remember.”
(more....)
+++++++++
Debbie Does Dallas
Review by Jon Waterman
***
Note: This review is for a hardcore, pornographic production. Some language within this text may not be appropriate for younger readers.
Debbie has just been hired as one of the brand new cheerleaders for the Dallas professional football team. The only problem is she doesn’t have enough money to move and live down there. All of her cheerleading pals get together and think of an idea as to how to raise some cash. They’re going to start up their own business, called Teen Services, and find odd jobs to do around town to help Debbie get down to Dallas. But when working doesn’t seem to be covering the entire expense, the girls collectively decide to try something a bit more drastic to raise the extra money. Look out Dallas, here comes Debbie!
Well, sorta. This has to be one of the most misleading titles in history. All throughout my formative years, anytime someone mentioned the title of this movie, I got a picture in my head of a film where Debbie is in a hotel room, taking on the men of Dallas, Texas. Or if not that, at least going around to various spots within the city to have sex with random guys (even if it were all completely scripted and fictionalized). Here we got neither. The promise of her being a cheerleader would suggest she would then proceed to do the entire football squad (a not uncommon premise, I’m sure). We don’t see that either. Debbie neither does Dallas, nor more than one person. What a disappointment. They should have called it “Debbie and Friends Bang One Guy Each to Get Debbie to Dallas.” Save this title for the sequel.
(more....)
This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Review by Jon Waterman
**
Every filmgoer in the United States knows about it, but how much do we use it? The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) presents the public with ratings for virtually every film, thus giving parents a guideline as to what films are appropriate for their children to see. The most common ratings are G, PG, PG-13, and R. This last one is the bane of high school students everywhere. Every once in a while, a film will receive an NC-17 rating, which means that no one under 17 years of age is permitted to see the film. The rating is a kiss of death to filmmakers, because not only does it mean fewer people can attend their films, but also that the mass media will refuse to advertise it, most distributors will refuse to carry it, and most theaters will refuse to show it. Is the MPAA really a voluntary system designed solely to inform the masses, or is it really a form of censorship?Documentarian Kirby Dick attempts to expose the MPAA as the latter, citing inconsistencies in the ratings system, the anonymity of its ratings panel, the nearly fascist appeals process, and its direct ties to the major motion picture studios. The argument is somewhat strong, but focuses on the wrong factors. The majority of the time is spent trying to determine just who these raters are. In order to do this, he hires a private investigator to do some elementary spy work. The MPAA believes that making these names public will cause undue pressure and influence on the raters. Dick takes a vendetta approach to revealing them while only glancing over the fact that the raters are internally influenced by the studios that they consult throughout the rating process.
(more....)
+++++++++
A Scanner Darkly
Review by Jon Waterman
**1/2
Bob Arctor is an undercover agent working for the police. He’s so undercover that not even his own co-workers know his real identity. That’s because he, along with everyone else on the force, wears a suit called a “scramble suit” that constantly morphs his appearance and distorts his voice. No one can recognize him as anything other than a part of the unit. His main purpose is to eradicate the production and distribution of the highly psychotropic, addictive, and destructive drug Substance D one dealer at a time. To accomplish this, he must infiltrate a group of people from the inside and gather information that will bring them down. The only problem is that he’s in danger of being brought down himself, if the police discovers he’s already an addict.
Director Richard Linklater wrote the script based on Philip K. Dick’s short story. Normally, Dick’s stories have translated into very good movies. I wouldn’t say this is an exception, but it doesn’t quite live up to the same standards as “Blade Runner” or “Total Recall.” It’s more on par with “Minority Report” in that the concept is there, and it’ll keep you entertained, but it hardly blows you away. Personally, I think this is slightly better than the largely forgettable “Minority Report,” and makes for a solid science fiction story. Keep in mind I haven’t read the original story, but perhaps the problem is that the concept behind this one isn’t all that great. It’s not really treading too much new ground and the storyline becomes extremely predictable. Probably the coolest element is those scramble suits, and that’s a shame.
(more....)
++++++++++
Total Recall
Review by Jon Waterman
****
For some reason, Douglas Quaid has always been fascinated by the planet Mars. He has dreams about it and he really wants to take a vacation there, even though it’s commonly known to be the cesspool of the universe. His wife has no interest in going to a place like that, and so Quaid is essentially stuck. That is, until he decides to take a virtual vacation. Rekall, Inc. promises to deliver a memory into his brain that will create a completely realistic vacation. Quaid chooses to add a little excitement with his package by inserting a secret agent angle into the trip. Before he’s able to get strapped down into the machine, something goes wrong and he has to fight his way out of Rekall. People are out to kill him and so now he’s off to Mars to find out why and also to find out who he really is.The beauty of this film isn’t that you don’t know what’s real and what’s not; if it’s part of the implanted memory or if Quaid actually happens to be a secret agent, but rather that it’s so fun that it doesn’t matter. Even so, the writers Ronald Shusett & Dan O’Bannon and Gary Goldman do a great job of keeping the ambiguity flowing throughout. It’d be very easy to assume that it’s all just part of the planned vacation that Quaid set up for himself if it weren’t for the fact that there are several scenes in the movie that don’t directly follow our hero. If it were really all in his head, that wouldn’t be part of the fantasy. We wouldn’t see anything that he couldn’t see and personally “remember.”
(more....)
+++++++++
Debbie Does Dallas
Review by Jon Waterman
***
Note: This review is for a hardcore, pornographic production. Some language within this text may not be appropriate for younger readers.Debbie has just been hired as one of the brand new cheerleaders for the Dallas professional football team. The only problem is she doesn’t have enough money to move and live down there. All of her cheerleading pals get together and think of an idea as to how to raise some cash. They’re going to start up their own business, called Teen Services, and find odd jobs to do around town to help Debbie get down to Dallas. But when working doesn’t seem to be covering the entire expense, the girls collectively decide to try something a bit more drastic to raise the extra money. Look out Dallas, here comes Debbie!
Well, sorta. This has to be one of the most misleading titles in history. All throughout my formative years, anytime someone mentioned the title of this movie, I got a picture in my head of a film where Debbie is in a hotel room, taking on the men of Dallas, Texas. Or if not that, at least going around to various spots within the city to have sex with random guys (even if it were all completely scripted and fictionalized). Here we got neither. The promise of her being a cheerleader would suggest she would then proceed to do the entire football squad (a not uncommon premise, I’m sure). We don’t see that either. Debbie neither does Dallas, nor more than one person. What a disappointment. They should have called it “Debbie and Friends Bang One Guy Each to Get Debbie to Dallas.” Save this title for the sequel.
(more....)
The Illusionist is a movie about a magician, the lady he loves, an intrepid police inspector, and Rufus Sewell’s mustache. The weakest illusion of all may be that any of these people used the same dialect coach. Giamatti and Sewell sound like they’re about to inquire whether or not they can suck your blood, Norton apparently had a head cold for the length of filming, and Jessica Biel has so few lines that I couldn’t actually tell whether or not she bothered with an accent.
Jack and Priscilla Chase are having marital problems. Jack, a high school biology teacher is falling into a deeper and deeper depression, because no matter what he does, he can’t seem to get his wife Priscilla, a highly influential advertising exec, to achieve sexual satisfaction. After so many years of unsuccessful attempts, he’s just about to snap. They go to counseling, but eventually decide to take matters into their own hands. He moves into the garage and finds himself a barely legal student mistress. She buys some equipment and begins to explore. Both of them are now liberated in their own ways, but is it too late to save the marriage, now that they have what they want?