Hey everyone. After about a month of being gone, I'm back with another big update. I hope to bring you another relatively big update to you shortly. I've been busy watching a lot of movies, so soon you can expect to see reviews for Another Gay Movie, Little Miss Sunshine, LOL, The Oh in Ohio, A Scanner Darkly, Snakes on a Plane, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and Total Recall. And there most certainly will be more to come after that. I'll keep pumping them out as long as you keep reading them, so keep checking back. You won't want to miss it.



Clerks II
Review by Jon Waterman

*

Well, it’s been about ten years, but Dante is finally about to leave the life of a clerk. He’s about to pack up and wave goodbye to all the annoying customers he’s encountered recently at Mooby’s fast food restaurant (the Quick Stop burned down). He and his fiancée are moving out of New Jersey for good. But with best buddy Randal by his side, you know the day leading up to his departure won’t be uneventful. Will he actually be able to bring himself to make the change in his life that he’s been talking about for the past decade?

Whereas “Clerks” should be viewed as a celebration of what truly independent film can contribute to mainstream cinema, “Clerks II” serves as reminder that the studio system corrupts all who cross its path. I don’t know if writer/director Kevin Smith forgot what really made the first film so successful and why it launched his increasingly pathetic career, but this so called sequel can only be connected to “Clerks” by the title of the film and the character names. And really, if you think about how interconnected all of Smith’s films are, sharing characters and such and mythos within Leonardo, New Jersey, it’s really only because of the title.

Here’s what you won’t find in this “sequel:”
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++++++++++++


Clerks
Review by Jon Waterman

***

Dante is a convenience store clerk. It’s a typical summer job for a college age guy like him. The only problem is that he’s not going to college. This is essentially his career, and he’s slowly going insane from the people he has to deal with. Plus, now he has to come in on his day off. Randal is in a similar situation. He works the video store next door. Only Randal doesn’t care as much. He locks the store regularly to come in and chat with his best friend Dante. And they have a lot to talk about this particular Saturday. It seems like Murphy’s Law is in full effect. Will Dante survive the day? After all, he’s not even supposed to be here today.

You really haven’t seen an independent movie until you’ve seen one on the level of “Clerks.” This film was made completely separate from any industry persuasion or influence. The budget is minimal; the crew, even smaller. The result is what looks like a feature-length student film that hit the big time, and for good reason. Rarely do you see DIY filmmakers actually make something that the general public would want to see. It’s easy to see right off the bat, that this was not just made for a group of friends, but rather as an essay (albeit intelligently juvenile and crude) on the dumbing down of society and the ridiculousness of our menial everyday lives. The message comes across loud and clear through Dante and Randal’s reprehensible actions and misadventures, but also through their taut diatribes.
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++++++++++


Strangers with Candy
Review by Jon Waterman

***1/2

Jerri Blank just got out of prison and is making her way back home. Upon returning to her father’s house, she discovers that life has changed a lot since she’s been gone. Jerri now has a new mommy, who has her own meat man. But more importantly, her daddy is in a coma. The doctor treating him seems to think that maybe if Jerri somehow is able to better herself, maybe daddy will get better and come out of it. So, she decides to go back to High School and do something amazing. This works out pretty well for her, because there’s a science fair competition going on and the school desperately needs to do something equally amazing, so that they don’t lose their funding. The only problem is that Jerri is an old, former prostitute drug addicted thief. But maybe somehow she’ll still be able to save the day, if only she can be accepted by her new peers.

Based on the off-the-air Comedy Central television series of the same name, this movie shows you how Jerri got to the place she was there. A prequel, if you will. The problem, though, is that you can’t really use this as a good lead-in to the series. It’s not that you have to know anything about the show to appreciate the humor or to find the movie funny, although I’m sure it’s that much better for those that are already familiar. The issue, rather, is that the movie is so self-contained. It acts like an extended episode. And the end of the film, I’m sure, does not correlate to the beginning of the television show. Now this isn’t bad for the uninitiated, but fans may not like the inconsistencies in cast (we have a character named Megawatti instead of Orlando) and style.
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++++++++++++


Superman Returns
Review by Jon Waterman

**1/2

With the inkling of hope that there may be something left of his home planet of Krypton, Superman abandons his friends, his job and his superhero obligations on Earth to investigate. Unfortunately, the search turns up nothing and he has no other choice but to return to the life he left behind. Upon his return, he finds that his whole world has completely changed, and there may not be as much left for him on this world either. He resumes his job as reporter for the Daily Planet under the secret identity Clark Kent, but finds that his coworker, and love interest Lois Lane, has already moved on, is engaged and has a young child. The world seems to have adapted to not having a superhero to save them as well. Lex Luthor too has enjoyed life without Superman. He’s ready to hatch another giant scheme for world domination. Looks like Superman may just be needed after all.

I guess that description is a little melodramatic. Superman actually adapts to coming back about as quickly as the audience who didn’t know he was gone. There was no downward spiral, or soul searching for a sense of self and belonging. Maybe the movie would have been a little better if there were. On the other side of things, the movie also would have been better if there was less exposition and more action, or just more action. For how long the movie is, not a whole lot of interesting stuff happens. It flows well enough, but it’s not all that exciting. I kind of don’t care about all the stuff that changed since Superman went away, because as the audience we didn’t notice his absence.
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+++++++++++


Superman: The Movie
Review by Jon Waterman

**1/2

Before the imminent destruction of the planet Krypton, Jor-El sends his only son through space to Earth in a capsule. It is there that he will be raised by humans and learn to live amongst them as a “normal” being. But he isn’t normal. Kal-El, dubbed Clark Kent by his adoptive parents, has superhuman strength and lightning quick speed. He can literally see through things and is nearly impervious to pain. Oh, and he can fly. But he must hide all of that in order to fit in. After he grows up, he becomes a mild-mannered reporter with the Daily Planet. It is there that the chaos of Metropolis forces him to breakthrough and let the world see his alter ego (while still maintaining a secret identity, of course). But with superheroes come super villains, and Superman encounters an evil genius named Lex Luthor. Superman must try to foil Lex’s evil plan that would, if he succeeds, kill millions upon millions of innocent people.

Not that you’d know that until more than half of the movie had already passed. The beginning is pretty slow moving and heavy handed. The opening with an overpaid and over-hyped Marlon Brando (Jor-El) starts to drag quickly and I was eagerly awaiting the destruction of the planet so that things could move along. The planet was pretty bland looking anyway. Then when teenage Clark is introduced, the whole family element gets force fed to us. We learn everything we need to know about their dynamic within a one day sequence of events. I’ll boil it down for you: They love each other and are very close. So, when Clark’s dad dies, you can expect the schmaltz to be laid on thick like syrup. The acting and dialogue at this point are especially bad and really hurt my ability to get into the movie. The cinematography looked nice and really showed off the beauty of the rural locations, but once again they try to force too much emotion in the composition.
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+++++++++


Psycho Beach Party
Review by Jon Waterman

*

All Florence wants is to fit in. She sees the cool kids hanging out and laughing and surfing all day long and thinks, why not me? Sure she has a friend, but Berdine is equally geeky, if not more so and that’s just not cutting it anymore. She wants to get out there and ride the waves and get boys to notice her as a sexual object instead of just some twerp. Well, while she’s doing her best to fit in with this crowd, the new circle of friends keep getting killed off. It seems someone in the town has a murderous streak in them. And it just may be Florence. You see, she’s been blacking out a lot lately, and when she does, she becomes a whole new person. Unfortunately, she never remembers who.

Charles Busch (writer, based on his stage play of the same name) presents and acts in this send up of 1960s beach movies. He plays Captain Monica Stark (although he was Florence in the play), a cop determined to track down the vicious killer that she discovers only kills those with deformities. He plays the character the least over the top out of all of them. Now, I know that movies made to be bad are supposed to have bad acting, but for whatever reason, I really didn’t find it effective. Maybe it’s my unfamiliarity with the beach subgenre, but I didn’t find the performances to be funny. Of course, that could also be due to the dialogue.
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