Hey everyone I'm back with a swarm of new stuff for you. Most of what I have for you is less than stellar, including the extremely disappointing Inside Man. What a pile that turned out to be. But there is saving grace in the form of Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I'm very surprised this didn't do much better in the box office, especially when something like Medea's Family Reunion can grab the Number 1 spot. Granted I haven't seen the latter, but the previews looked horrible. Anyways, I'm going to get more reviews to you soon. Here's what's on deck: Brick, From Justin to Kelly, The Jacket, Munich, One Day in September, and Unknown White Male. If all goes according to plan, expect another update before the end of the month. Keep coming back.


Inside Man
Review by Jon Waterman

1/2 star

Troubled detective Keith Frazier is brought onto the scene when a bank robbery turns into an armed hostage situation. These aren’t your typical thieves. They’re out to conduct the perfect heist. All the details have been worked out. All contingencies accounted for. Every loose end will be tied. But they don’t count on Detective Frazier’s quick thinking and sheer determination. And neither of them count on Madeline White, who’s brought in to protect more than just the contents of the bank by any means necessary.

I’m trying to make this movie sound somewhat interesting, although I really shouldn’t be building any false hopes. Is Spike Lee really that desperate to have a mainstream hit? The writing is shoddy; the acting falls far short; the cinematography is everywhere except where it needs to be; the structure and score need major retooling; and Lee’s social commentary needs to be scrapped.

If you think my writing is bad, then check out the horrible dialogue Russell Gewirtz (failed TV series “Blind Justice”) slapped together.
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+++++++


Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
Review by Jon Waterman

***1/2

Dave Chappelle’s throwing a party and you’re all invited. Popular comedian Chappelle has gathered some of the greatest contemporary names in hip-hop and R&B to perform in an event of a lifetime. On a stage in Brooklyn New York, a large crowd flocked in for free from miles around to see acts like Kanye West, Common, The Roots, Erykah Badu, Mos Def, Dead Prez and more. But it’s not all music, because Dave himself comes out in between acts and keeps the crowd entertained with his unique style of riotous comedy.

You wouldn’t know it from watching, but Michel Gondry (“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”) is directing. You’ll find absolutely none of his patented filmmaking flair. There are no camera tricks to speak of, no digital manipulations of time and space, no crazy edits, nothing particularly visually stunning at all. And to be honest, I like it better that way. Instead of turning the concert into one a long form version of his awe-inspiring music videos, he simply makes sure the camera is pointed in the right direction to capture exactly what we want to see and some things we didn’t know we wanted to see.
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+++++++


Testosterone (2005)
Review by Jon Waterman

**

While on military leave, Petros heads to the small island where he spent part of his youth in order to pick up the car left by his grandfather. He wants to quickly get it and go so he can hop on the boat and head off to a nice hedonistic town with the hopes of scoring with scores of hot young women. Well, the car doesn’t quite work and he gets stranded on the island longer than he wants. What he discovers however, is that he’s the only man on the island and the women want to fulfill his lustful fantasies. Petros finds himself in way over his head. Can he find a way to leave the island? Will he even want to?

The answer to that second question is yes, and a big reason as to why this movie really fails. I can understand how having absolutely every woman on the island try to get you in bed would be a major problem and would make anyone want to get away. There are a lot of uggos in the world, and Petros seems like a “no fatties” kind of guy, too. But even in the beginning, he’s trying to escape. That I don’t understand. His whole purpose is to get the car and leave to a place where he can have sex with hot girls. Here, he’s stuck with his relatives and happens to have sex with hot girls, but he’s still trying desperately to get away.
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++++++


Roll Bounce
Review by Jon Waterman

*1/2

A group of young teenage guys known as the Garden Boys are the superstars of their local roller skating rink. Unfortunately, that rundown place is soon after closed, and the boys are forced to travel farther to the glitzy hang out that is home of the greatest skater in all the land, Sweetness. The boys have to adjust not only to the new rink with some real competition, but also with a new neighbor girl, Tori, being thrown into the mix. Can these kids win the respect of the town and maybe even win a competition with so much riding against them?

This movie is too long for no good reason. We’re subjected to 112 minutes of dragging subplot after dragging subplot with a hint of main story mixed in. You have the narrative thread of Xavier (“X” to his friends, played by Bow “Like Mike” Wow) running into his “X” girlfriend Naomi at the new rink. You have X’s father searching hard for “M” ployment and all the neighborhood women trying to get him back into the dating scene. You have too many encounters with the garbage men, whose scenes should have been thrown away. You have the new neighbor girl who ultimately serves absolutely no purpose at all. I’m sure there’s more, but who cares.
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+++++++


Roller Boogie
Review by Jon Waterman

1/2 star

The Roller Boogie contest is only a few days away and everyone on the boardwalk is training as hard as they can. Some, like Bobby James, are pushing themselves extra hard in the hopes of becoming an Olympic contender. Others, like Terry Barkley, just want to be noticed. The two motivations collide as Terry escapes from her unloving rich parents to slum it with the roller skaters. Along the way, she hires James to teach her some of his dynamite moves. But there’s a bigger problem than two young kids from opposite sides of the tracks getting together. Greedy goons are threatening to shut down the skating rink where the contest is to be held unless the owner ponies up the dough. Only the power of skate can save them now!

Director Mark L. Lester lacks luster in this slap dash transparent attempt to quickly capitalize on the popularity of roller skating and disco music. The movie starts out a big pile of cheese as roller skaters roll through the teenager filled streets while showing off their magical abilities to jump and land…ON WHEELS! I don’t think you understand, guys. Humans weren’t born with wheels. This is amazing. Well, as they ride backwards and keep their balance, everyone they pass becomes enthralled, and since they already of course have skates on, and join the ever-swelling herd of wheeled sheep as they reach this parking lot thing equipped with barrels and cones for them to bust some groovy moves. The scene culminates with an appearance by none other than Jumping Jack Flash! Yeah, I don’t know who that is, either. This guy in a pink jumpsuit with a long an aviator skull cap and a purple bandana sticking out like a cape never lets you know. He’ll never be seen again.
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It's been a long time coming. I really think I'm making some good headway into cleaning out some of that backlog. But that doesn't mean I don't still have plenty left to give you. Coming soon on this site, look for reviews of: Dave Chappelle's Block Party, From Justin to Kelly (don't ask me why), Inside Man (I have a LOT to say about this, very little of it good), Munich, Roll Bounce, Testosterone, Unknown White Male and more. You'll definitely want to keep coming back for those. In the meantime, you know them, you love them: the Final Destination movies. See what I think about all three below.



Final Destination
Review by Jon Waterman

***1/2

A high school French class is just about to jet off to Paris for an amazing, and surely educational, field trip. All the students get on board the plane, and that’s when it happens. Alex has a vision that shortly after take off, the airplane explodes, killing everyone inside. He freaks out, tries to warn everyone and eventually stays behind with six others. While they’re arguing in the terminal about missing the trip, the plane explodes in mid-air. Because of Alex’s vision, they’ve cheated death. But not for long.

Finally, we get an effective horror movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The problem with so many in the genre is that they try to pump you full of scares by playing around with musical cues or creating unnecessary tension. Most of the time, it doesn’t work and simply comes off as being just another pathetically stereotypical slasher flick. “Final Destination” isn’t like that. It isn’t even scary. It does give the audience plenty of shock, however.
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++++++++++


Final Destination 2
Review by Jon Waterman

*

Kimberly is off with three of her best friends on a vacation to Daytona for some relaxing and partying. Right when they’re about to get on the highway, Kimberly has a vision that a massive car accident is about to occur. Dozens are killed a fiery blaze of twisted metal after a truck’s cargo of lumber falls off into the road. Her premonition freaks her out and she skids to a stop before leaving the on-ramp, trapping all those behind her. A cop is there to see this and as she tries to explain why she accidentally blocked the road, the accident occurs just as she envisioned. All the people stuck behind her car (which gets hit) are saved. But as these people learned from watching the aftermath of Flight 180, death has a design, and this group is being painted right out of the picture.

With a new director and new writers, the series takes its own 180 and becomes a rather conventional horror flick. Except here’s the thing: it’s not scary in the least. All the fun has been sucked out of what we saw in the first one. The days of the unexpected deaths are over. In the previous film, you either didn’t see it coming at all or you saw that something was going to happen, but you never knew exactly how the fatal blow was going to hit. Everything here is completely telegraphed and so the shock factor is non-existent.
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++++++++++


Final Destination 3
Review by Jon Waterman

**1/2

Wendy has always been a paranoid person. Her fear gets taken to a new level while the senior class is having their graduation party at a local amusement park. Never one to enjoy roller coasters, Wendy freaks out after having a vision of the cars derailing killing everyone who rides its fast twists and turns. Eventually she causes so much fuss that the ride operators take her and the rest of the people in her section off the car. The group then watches the rest of their classmates as the coaster does exactly what Wendy had envisioned. All still on board die. Those that got off live to see another day, but how many more do they have?

The third installment in the series begins its return to form. With original writers Glen Morgan and James Wong (also the director of this and the first) back in control, a lot of the fun is back. The plot still seems like a convenient stretch but not nearly as convoluted here as in number two. I think it has something to do with how the pictures taken at the fair foreshadow how the people will die, and the characters know this. Despite this, they can’t really prevent anything from happening, because they are too dumb to make any further connections, even though the audience recognizes them immediately.
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