Today I take a break from the more recent hollywood releases. I don't have any left to review except the less and less recent Melinda and Melinda. So, I bring you a look at a couple more pieces of well-known black cinema (this time from the 70s). One is justified, the other isn't. Both by the same director (who also later directed Krush Groove). I hope you enjoy.



Car Wash
Review by Jon Waterman

Zero stars

Did you ever wonder what it might be like to work in the fast-paced, thrill a minute world of the car wash? Or, if you have or currently do work in a car wash, have you ever wondered why they haven’t made a movie about your crazy, unpredictable life on the job? If you’re like me, the answer to these questions is a resounding “No.” But that doesn’t always stop things like this from being made. You can only imagine the kinds of crazy madcap misadventures these guys will wash through today!

Joel Schumacher (costume designer and writer of “Sparkle”) penned this extremely lackluster, completely unfunny script. The movie boasts a decent sized cast, and Schumacher doesn’t know what to do with any of their characters.
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+++++++++


Cooley High
Review by Jon Waterman

***

The film tells the story of a group of friends living in 1960s Chicago. It follows their joys and struggles while living in the projects, going to school, and attempting a social life. Everything’s going about as well as it can where they live, until they get caught up with some criminals. Two of the friends get falsely arrested for stealing a car. When they’re released from jail and the true criminals aren’t, they have to find some explanation or else there’ll be hell to pay once those bad guys get out.

This movie is very unusual and interesting, not because of the issues it deals with, but rather the ones that aren’t mentioned at all. The approach of “Cooley High” is to show the audience what life is like within the small world of these teenagers. Although the movie takes place in the mid-1960s, there is virtually no mention of the Civil Rights Movement or its leaders.
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Time magazine very recently posted their list of the top 100 films of all time. Readers should know that I love movie lists. After all, it was AFI's list of 400 nominees (that would later be pared down to their top 100 of all time) that got me started on my true obsession with film.

Time's list (http://www.time.com/time/2005/100movies/the_complete_list.html) doesn't limit itself to American fiction, which makes it's inclusion of a certain film even more mind boggling.

I'm not going to comment on films that should be included. There are so many worthwhile films that it's much easier to nitpick about the ones that shouldn't.

"Finding Nemo" shouldn't be included. Plain and simple. It's the worst Pixar movie I've seen. What about "Toy Story" or "Monster's Inc." or "The Incredibles?" All of them were much better movies, if you were to pick a Pixar title (although I'd be hard pressed including any of those in a top 100 list).

It's an odd list and a very ecclectic one. I suggest you all check it out. If nothing else, it'll spark some interest and curiosity about some of the more obscure titles on there.

This could easily be the summer of the Geek. Star Wars is dominating -- of course. We also will see a few other famous super heroes hitting the silver screen in the near future. Now that I've seen Episode 3 (see below), all the anticipation is geared towards Batman Begins. I'll be sure to let you all know what I think of it. In the meantime, enjoy my reviews for a couple not so guilty nerdy pleasures.



Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
Review by Jon Waterman

*** stars

Here we are. The end of an era. Again. This (probably final) big screen installment in the most popular and profitable series/franchise/empire finds Anakin slipping into the dark side and becoming the infamous Darth Vader. We see Yoda proving he’s the wisest Jedi of them all once again. We see the war raging on. We see Chancellor Palpatine play everyone like a fiddle. We see very very little of Jar Jar Binks. And it is good.

No, seriously. It is good. Not great, but good. I know the first two prequels weren’t exactly fitting additions to the rest of the saga, but this comes close. Before I start my raving, let’s get a few rants out there.
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+++++++++


The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Review by Jon Waterman

**1/2 stars

Arthur Dent’s house is about to be torn down to make way for a new highway. In order to stop that from happening, he lays down in front of the bulldozer in protest. His friend Ford Prefect comes along and pulls him away on urgent business. He tells Arthur that Earth is about to be essentially torn down to make way for an interstellar highway. They can’t exactly lie in front of that bulldozer, so Ford (now revealed as an alien) hitches a ride on a spaceship to escape. There is no home to go to, but maybe if they hop on the right ship, they can find a new place to settle. It’ll sure be interesting for Arthur either way, as long as he survives.

Based off a book that’s based off a radio series, “Hitchhiker’s Guide” finally makes its way to the big screen. The late Douglas Adams, author and co-writer (with Karey Kirkpatrick – “Chicken Run,” “The Little Vampire”), brings his trademark wit to this latest incarnation. Huge fans of British comedic styling should greatly appreciate this humor, even if they don’t laugh at it all the time.
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"Tellingly, Fox Searchlight, the distributor of Allen's last movie, "Melinda and Melinda," did not make a bid on "Point" because the studio is all too aware of his global numbers. They tell a harsh tale: $3.7 million in North America; $15.7 million worldwide; 25% of Allen's stateside audience are New Yorkers. Other distributors have stated the stone-cold truth: "Point" would be more commercial if it didn't have Allen's name on it. And by insisting on churning out a picture a year, Allen dilutes his currency. (By contrast, David Lynch retains his marquee value by keeping audiences waiting. France's Studio Canal was screening a Cannes promo reel for his new "Inland Empire," featuring a cast wearing rabbit heads.)"

This quote especially makes me shiver...

"Other distributors have stated the stone-cold truth: "Point" would be more commercial if it didn't have Allen's name on it. And by insisting on churning out a picture a year, Allen dilutes his currency."

Holy shit! Have we really gotten to the point where a filmmaker like Woody Allen, who has made multiple masterpieces, is actually damaging a film's marketability, rather than helping it? I'm shocked! When did the tables turn? Must be that string of bad films he made. That's a shame.

"You almost look at this year's competition films and don't have to worry about buying anything," says Warner Independent Pictures president Mark Gill, who, having viewed about 90 films at the festival and market, might not buy any. "They may be good, but none of them are remotely accessible to an American audience."

Fuck you, Mark Gill. I'm an American audience member, and I take offence to your arrogant statement.

What, is this guy trying to prove something? Is he punishing American filmgoers for not supporting Warner Independent's output so far? Why run an independent arm of a studio if you aren't going to appreciate your audience and good filmmaking? What is this guy's job? He's not running Warner. He's running Warner INDEPENDENT. How do you get jaded enough to see 90 films at the biggest and arguably best Festival in the world and decide that every single one of them is just too damn difficult for that dumb ass American audience? No wonder Warner Independent is doing so poorly.

I wonder if the dismal state of American indies has something to do with the fact that fucks like this are running the show? How much contempt for the American audience will it take before this dude quits his job? I can't wait.

Schools are wrapping up, and I know there'll be a lot of graduation parties and just general summer parties going down pretty soon (if they aren't already). In honor of this, I bring you the original House Party Trilogy. Enjoy.



House Party 3
Review by Jon Waterman

**

Kid is finally ready to settle down with the girl he loves. Play respects his decision, although he doesn’t agree with it. But, while he can’t and won’t stop the wedding from happening, he can at least throw the best bachelor party the world has ever seen. His plans run into a snag when business mixes with pleasure. Play uses money given to him as a finders fee for a budding new music group to fund the festivities. The band doesn’t sign with Play, however, and now the tour promoter wants his non-existent cash back. Sounds like they’re in for one wild night.

The third installment of the trilogy almost brings it back to the level of the first film. First-time writer Takashi Buford (who worked on the story with “In Living Color” writer David Toney) breaks away from all the horrible things the sequel incorporated and focused mostly on the house parties – which is how it should be.
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++++++++


House Party 2
Review by Jon Waterman

Zero stars

Kid is finally going off to college, just as his late father always wanted. He even got a scholarship check that’s just waiting to be cashed. Unfortunately, Play, who was keeping the check for safe keeping, hands the money over to a phony record producer with the hopes of sparking his rap career. Kid tries everything to get the money raised to stay in college. The only thing that can possibly work is a monster party (complete with cover charge) on campus. If they get caught, Kid gets expelled. If he doesn’t raise enough money, he gets expelled. Will Kid stay in school?

This follow up to the hit comedy from the previous year doesn’t quite hit the mark. Brand new writers and directors were brought in and they just didn’t quite do it justice. First time directors George Jackson and Doug McHenry can’t quite capture that same lively attitude.
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+++++++++


House Party
Review by Jon Waterman

**1/2

Play is holding the biggest house party event of the school year. His parents will be out of town and his friend Bilal is set to spin the hottest cuts. Unfortunately, Kid isn’t allowed to go, because he got into a fight with some bullies at school. There’s no way he’s going to miss this party. Everyone will be there, including every fine honey that strolls the halls. Besides, Kid’s looking to spit some of his fresh new rhymes. Can he sneak out and make it there and back without getting caught and grounded for life?

The popular rap duo breaks into the acting world with less than stellar performances. Kid (aka Christopher Reid) shows a little more promise than the wooden, one-dimensional Play (aka Christopher Martin). Their professional actor co-stars show you the difference between the two.
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I promise I'll get those older films that you're all surely clamoring for up soon. In the mean time, how about I review some more recent fare.



Palindromes
Review by Jon Waterman

***1/2

Young Aviva wants so desperately to have a baby. That’s all she’s desired ever since she was a child herself. Although not fully grown yet, she messes around with the neighbor kid and gets knocked up. Unfortunately, her parents force her to get it aborted. In order to spite them and fulfill her fantasies, she runs away. Along the way, she encounters many different people and some strange, life-altering situations.

Writer/director Todd Solondz once again proves himself as the master of bringing the unconventional to the masses. Like his previous efforts (“Welcome to the Dollhouse,” “Happiness,” and “Storytelling”), he’s able to handle potentially delicate, controversial or taboo subject matter with a strange air of cringing acceptance. (more...)


++++++++


Kung Fu Hustle
Review by Jon Waterman

***

In 1940s China, ruthless gangs rule the streets. The most vicious and powerful, the axe gang, is so cold-blooded that they celebrate their victories with an oft-practiced choreographed dance routine. The only place that’s safe from their tyranny is in the slums where everyone is too poor to be exploited and extorted. However that all changes after a chance encounter with a poser auditioning to be in the axe gang reveals some of the top martial arts masters living in the town. Now, the axe gang wants them dead so that they can continue their uncontested rule of the city.

Writer/director/star Stephen Chow (“Shaolin Soccer”) delivers one of the most offbeat films of the year. He gracefully combines and effectively blends comedy with what have to be called the best action scenes so far this year (and probably will remain on top for the rest of it) sprinkled lightly with drama. (more...)

Loews to Publish Note on Pre-Movie Ads

For everyone who has had enough of paying good money to sit in a theatre and watch 15 minutes of commercials, we might finally start to see the actual start times of the films published. This way, we know when we actually need to be in our seat vs. when the theatre tells us we should be there. If you want to get a good seat, you'll probably still get there early, but if you want to sit down and watch the film, without any pre-show, you can get your seat, roam around the lobby, and know when you need to be back in the theatre to catch the start of the film, or not even show up until right before the actual film starts. Lets hope other theatres pick this up.

Check out this article about the problems with the rating system. I take every opportunity I can to discredit the brainchild of my man, Jack Valenti, who used to believe that Home Video would destroy the movies, and now believes that the internet will destroy movies. He recently stepped down from his role at the MPAA, but his legacy lives on in the ratings system.

Little known fact: Rootin'-tootin' Jack Valenti was the inspiration for the cartoon character of Yosemite Sam. I'm not kidding.