Alright. Starting to roll with the reviews here. Scroll for 28 Days Later.... I'll be back later with more words of wisdom and discouragement towards films, so check back often, will ya.
American Wedding
Review by Jon Waterman
1/2 star
It’s the third installment of the “American Pie” series, as I’m sure you’re well aware. In this episode, Jim whatshisface and Melissa blahbleebo are getting married. What kind of wacky antics will ensue when they make the arrangements? Or what about when the bachelor party is planned? Or when Jim meets the girl’s parents? Or when Stifler speaks? Uggghhh.
Is it just me, or is Stifler way stupider in this one? Did they neglect to tell us that he got a few concussions in between films or something? I hardly remember seeing part 2 and the first one is a hazy memory at this point as well. Yet, I doubt he was this dumb. Like Homer Simpson, Stifler gets more moronic as time goes on. Unlike Homer Simpson, Stifler gets less funny as time goes on. I can’t believe I just devoted a paragraph to Stifler. That’s almost lower than Stifler enjoying oral pleasure from a dog. Don’t ask…and don’t watch for that matter.
The actors that chose not to do this movie made a very wise decision. Congrats to them all for having sense. The film doesn’t try to explain their absence, either. Instead they focus on making the worst film they possibly can with the characters that are desperate for money and/or attention.
Normally a Hollywood film of comedic nature includes a lot of romantic interest stuff. A lot of lovey-dovey crap that’s thrown in to give the characters what we in the biz call “arc.” Most of that is foregone, which is surprising considering the title of the picture. I, however, would have greatly preferred more gushy, sappy, love stuff out of this movie. That would mean they would have given less screen time to the inane outrageous events that take place. I’d much rather hear the couple recite their vows or have Jim explain to Melissa’s parents why he wants to marry their daughter than see Kevin tied up by a hooker and thrown in a closet or see pubic hair fly to wherever.
Not only are the situations not funny in the least, but they are also telegraphed too far in advance. Humor lies in the element of surprise. I bet I’ve said that before, but I’ll say it as many times as necessary until Hollywood learns. I don’t care how funny it would have been to see Jim’s dad walking in as Jim was receiving pleasure from his soon-to-be fiancée from under the table. It won’t be funny if you basically tell us that is what we’re going to see for the ten minutes leading up to that joke. The same pattern continues throughout. I don’t know. I guess I also just don’t appreciate gross out humor as much as I used to. Maybe it just isn’t well done anymore. In either case this movie eats crap…literally.
American Wedding
Review by Jon Waterman
1/2 star
It’s the third installment of the “American Pie” series, as I’m sure you’re well aware. In this episode, Jim whatshisface and Melissa blahbleebo are getting married. What kind of wacky antics will ensue when they make the arrangements? Or what about when the bachelor party is planned? Or when Jim meets the girl’s parents? Or when Stifler speaks? Uggghhh.
Is it just me, or is Stifler way stupider in this one? Did they neglect to tell us that he got a few concussions in between films or something? I hardly remember seeing part 2 and the first one is a hazy memory at this point as well. Yet, I doubt he was this dumb. Like Homer Simpson, Stifler gets more moronic as time goes on. Unlike Homer Simpson, Stifler gets less funny as time goes on. I can’t believe I just devoted a paragraph to Stifler. That’s almost lower than Stifler enjoying oral pleasure from a dog. Don’t ask…and don’t watch for that matter.
The actors that chose not to do this movie made a very wise decision. Congrats to them all for having sense. The film doesn’t try to explain their absence, either. Instead they focus on making the worst film they possibly can with the characters that are desperate for money and/or attention.
Normally a Hollywood film of comedic nature includes a lot of romantic interest stuff. A lot of lovey-dovey crap that’s thrown in to give the characters what we in the biz call “arc.” Most of that is foregone, which is surprising considering the title of the picture. I, however, would have greatly preferred more gushy, sappy, love stuff out of this movie. That would mean they would have given less screen time to the inane outrageous events that take place. I’d much rather hear the couple recite their vows or have Jim explain to Melissa’s parents why he wants to marry their daughter than see Kevin tied up by a hooker and thrown in a closet or see pubic hair fly to wherever.
Not only are the situations not funny in the least, but they are also telegraphed too far in advance. Humor lies in the element of surprise. I bet I’ve said that before, but I’ll say it as many times as necessary until Hollywood learns. I don’t care how funny it would have been to see Jim’s dad walking in as Jim was receiving pleasure from his soon-to-be fiancée from under the table. It won’t be funny if you basically tell us that is what we’re going to see for the ten minutes leading up to that joke. The same pattern continues throughout. I don’t know. I guess I also just don’t appreciate gross out humor as much as I used to. Maybe it just isn’t well done anymore. In either case this movie eats crap…literally.
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